A day before my birthday~

Well, I woke up today just to realize you're buried
And I couldn't dig you up
How I wish I had the time to say that I regret every moment I've waste on waiting!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You'll never know.


In memories of Azmeer (1991-2009) Rest in Peace

I woke up this morning just to wish I was dreaming. 2 old friends was on my door telling me a classmate had just passed away. Shocked, disbelief, sorrow, you name it, everything was running on my head, and then suddenly, blank.

I was there during the whole funeral. My tears almost fell when I saw the hopeless body lying there ready to be buried. I keep wishing I would wake up. But I didn't, I realize I'm standing on reality. A harsh one.

The others, the smiling faces, comforting each other with their smiles. Hiding the sorrow and trying hard to swallow the bitter truth. How long will that last before they break down and cry?

I didn't get to meet him for the last time, I wish I had. I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry... for everything.

Happy Birthday (You'll Never Know)

I'm writing this on 12.40am of March 11th~ Officially my crush's birthday~
Nothing much though~ I'm giving her a present, a simple one indeed~
A music album. No, not a normal one. But one done by me myself, fully.
It's called 'For Kai' with 5 tracks. Ok, 5 tracks, I'll call it an ep~

There you go~


TRACKS
1 - Entitled Untitled
2 - Happy Birthday
3 - Thank You
4 - I've Always Wanted To Tell You
5 - For Kai

I'll put it online ASAP~

Life sucks? Think again mate~

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!! : Seriously, this would make a great punk rock patch~

What izzit with me lately?
I really feel down since I quit my job. I told my boss that I was going to pursue my dreams XD
But seriously, I am! Right now, I'm drawing a comic for Gakuen Tension also writing some songs along the way (who knows maybe I can fit it into my comic XD).

I went to my workplace yesterday to pick up my last pay, even when I say I was going to quit, I still help the others do the works~ Well, lucky me I don't have to wash the dishes XD
And here's my last pay; RM270. A very little amount, I know. Since I left work a week before the end of the month and on top of that, I did borrowed the boss RM50. Yeah, I suck.

Along the way home, I dropped at a local Jking store to but myself a jacket that cost me about RM80 TT^TT As I was leaving the store owner asked me "You're buying that? What do you work as?" since the one I bought is usually worn by teachers. With a bitter smile I replied that I've just quit my job and laugh. Unexpectedly, he offered me a job: as a despatch-something. But my jobless friend that came along with me snatch it since I don't have a licence XD
Then he offered another job, as a shirt designer! Me eyes went +w+ hearing that XD

He said that he'd give RM 10 for each design I could complete based on demand~ It's not much I know, but the fact that I like the job made me accept it~

So now, I'm free, have a job that I like and pursuing my dreams : life doesn't always suck after all~

Valentine's Day | About Her

I'm posting this on 01.30am (local time) of February 14th~ So, it's officially Valentine's Day~
Simply wishing everyone, anyone, who read this crappy blog of mine, Happy Valentine's Day~
So, give chocolate to your beloved, kiss her/him gently and wish em happy Valentine's Day ok?

Truth is, I heard some sad (true) love story from a few friends who're also forumers at CF forum- happens a few days before valentines. Just sending a message of, start a new start to those two girls. You know who you are~

erm...
Truthfully, I'm single right now. And my ex doesn't really like celebrating Valentine's Day~
So, I never actually had any proper Valentine's Day~
And right now, I am actually in love with a girl from the same school as me.
Ok, maybe we've already finished school, but fortunately we're still in touch with each other.

Maybe you guys are thinking "How about a picture, mate?". Ok~ Why not~~~

That's her. Sweet, cute and beautiful meganekko~ (just as I like it XD)

This pic was taken a few month ago- like at August or something. I forgot~
At that time we were both selling some stuff to fund our uniform unit, the Kadet Remaja Sekolah or better known as KRS.
Yup, we're in the same uniform unit and in fact, I knew her through this uniform unit which now I seems to miss.

The unit was one of the most unactive club as I joined it. But A few years after that, 2007 to be exact, it changed completely as a new president was elected. Ashraf, a very proud leader and one of the people that I actully respect. Coming from a fwked up family doesn't make him a pussy or an emo brat, instead making him a guy with a lot of more confidence and leadership. With him a a leader, the club make it's way to the top from the least expected club to one that's now respected and acknowledged by the school. From there too, I met her, Kai. Kai comes from her name, Kaisyah. I though hearing people calling her Kai is funny cause the name Kai is usually used by guys.

Heck. I don't even realize when was the time that we get to know each other for as long as I remembered, we didn't even talk to each other during the first year we're in the same unit.
Guess it just happens. XD

Er...
Being 2 years younger than her doesn't actually stop me from being friends with her.
As we started to know each other, I realize that we have some similarities, ones that I never expected to be; we're both into anime and manga stuff. From there, we started to gets closer and closer. I started to lend her some CDs and DVDs also manga and magz. Thus, a close bond is created. At this point, I've already liked her- In fact, I started to like her since I knew that she also likes anime and manga stuff. Beacuse for a moment, I thought she was like the other narrow-minded girls but when I get to know her, it's the total opposite; I can actually talk about anything with her, and I mean it, anything.

Now, I've been in this unsure state of telling her my feelings. We've known each other for quite some time. Good friends, that's what I'd call it, our relationship that is. I always wanted to tell her but I can guess that things will be fwk up if I do. Guess I'll just leave it as it is.

Whatever it is, I'm gonna make a chocolate for her tonight! Hope for the best for me and thanks Miyuki for the suggestion!

Why SoFt?

Er...
So,you may ask 'why Sound of Fanatism (SoFt)?'
fanatism as defined by thefreedictionary.com

Noun

1.

fanatism - excessive intolerance of opposing views fanaticism, zealotry intolerance - unwillingness to recognize and respect differences in opinions or beliefs

It's a bad thing no?
I think it is. And I think it's not.
I think this life is all about interpretation.
Or you can say personal preference.
Don't get me wrong : I believe in the existance of community and society.
And I hate it. But that'll be a story for another day~
Ok, back to the topic.
Life's about personal preference.
Even right and wrong, truth and lies, and all those stuff~
To most fanatism is a bad thing.
And to me , I couldn't agree with that.
That's why I think it's a bad thing and at the same time, it's not.
Because it has more than one people interpreting it.
Er... You get what I mean?
Nevermind~~~ XD

Anyway, to the main question~
Why 'Sound of Fanatism'?
Cause a fellow forumer said it was epic once I mention it XD

Views on the world~

1st September 1939
W.H Auden

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.

Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.

Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.

Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.

Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.

The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
'I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,'
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the dead,
Who can speak for the dumb?

All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.

Defenseless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

Facts

• 1st September 1939 is the date of Poland invasion by the Germany army.
• 1st September 1939 is a failure to the poet, W.H Auden. But not to many.
• This poem can be related to many things that happen recently.
• It's my favorite poem of all time.